Is Motherhood seemingly Dimming Your Spark?
- Maike Mancuso
- 3 days ago
- 7 min read
7 Stupidly Easy Tips to Find Your Groove Again
and Define Motherhood for yourself.
Let’s just say it: motherhood is wild. Beautiful? Yes. Rewarding? Absolutely. But also overwhelming, exhausting, and, at times, completely identity-crushing.
If you’ve ever thought, “I miss who I used to be before I was ‘mom’ 24/7,” this post is for you.
Many moms - myself included - will tell you that they’ve felt a little lost since becoming a parent. It’s a massive life shift. One day you’re managing yourself and your own time… and the next you’re responsible for tiny humans, their snacks, their emotions, their socks, and their entire development. It’s no wonder you can’t remember the last time you felt like you.
Here is a quick reminder: two things can be true at the same time! You can miss alone time AND love motherhood! You can grief who you were before kids AND enjoy who you are now as a mom.
And here’s the thing: motherhood is all-encompassing. It spills into every single corner of your life - your body, your schedule, your brain, your relationship, your energy, your joy. That impact looks different for all of us depending on our level of support, childcare options, financial resources, and even our own expectations. But across the board? It’s a lot.
As a mom of three, I’ll tell you what’s been the hardest: the constant changes. Just when I’ve figured out a routine, something shifts - nap schedules, school closures, someone gets sick, my work shifts. It’s endless. And that unpredictability is draining.
So if you’re in the thick of it right now, mama - I see you. You are not alone.
Let’s dive into five stupidly simple ways to start feeling like yourself again:
1. Acknowledge That This Is Hard - and You’re Doing It
There’s a saying that parenting is only hard for the good parents - because the good ones care. You’re constantly learning, adjusting, trying, and showing up. And that matters.
One of the most powerful things you can do is simply acknowledge your own experience. You don’t need someone else to validate that it’s tough - you can do that for yourself.
Try using a personal affirmation like:
This is hard, and I’m doing it anyway.
This is tough, and I am tougher.
One hard day doesn’t define me.
I am enough, even on the messy days.
Different seasons of parenting will feel harder than others. Maybe you thrived with babies but struggle with toddlers. Maybe the elementary school years feel overwhelming. You don’t have to love every phase to be a good mom.
2. Find Your Village (Even If It’s Small)
Having people in your corner makes a huge difference. Find other moms who get it - and not just because their kids are the same age, but because you genuinely enjoy their company.
You need people who:
You can vent to without judgment.
Remind you who you are outside of “mom.”
Encourage your well-being and joy.
If you're unsure where to start, here are a few ways to find your people:
Say hi to moms at the playground or school pickup line.
Join local Facebook groups or mom forums.
Try apps like Peanut to connect with nearby moms.
Volunteer for a school or community event - even one small thing opens doors.
Leave a flyer or note at the coffee shop or market if you’re craving connection.
Sometimes it takes courage to make the first move - but chances are, another mom is wishing someone would say hi first too.
3. Create Daily Structure (Without Sucking the Fun Out of Life)
When every task blends together - snacks, laundry, emails, dishes, tantrums - your day can feel like one giant, sticky blob of overwhelm.
To avoid that “mud of motherhood,” start with simple structure:
Use a wall calendar, planner, or Google Calendar to outline your week.
Name blocks of time (like “quiet play before dinner” or “homework and backpack clean-out hour”).
Set consistent mealtimes and routines, even if loosely followed.
Kids thrive on predictability. So do adults. When you reduce the number of decisions in your day, you reduce mental fatigue - and increase your ability to focus, breathe, and maybe even finish a thought.
4. Declutter Your Space = Declutter Your Brain
Physical clutter creates mental clutter - and moms live with a lot of both.
Start here:👉 Pick one space that would have the biggest impact for you today - the area that either stresses you out the most or could offer the most relief if it were just… a little clearer. Then spend just 10 minutes tidying or putting a few things away. That’s it.
Even small efforts, done consistently, create huge shifts in how your space and your brain feel.
My favorite areas to tackle:
The car
My handbag
The kitchen counter
The bedroom (because a calm, clean sleeping space can change everything)
Also ask yourself: Is there a system I can put in place to reduce this mess going forward?It’s not always realistic with kids (or husbands 😅), but even thinking about it helps spark creative solutions.
And of course - one of my favorite tricks:→ Keep a large catch-all bin in your main living area. At night, throw in all the random toys, books, and “what even is this?” items that land everywhere. Sort it later. Your space feels instantly clearer, and you’re not stuck wasting your precious 10 minutes organizing things that’ll be back out tomorrow anyway.
5. Step Away From the Scroll and Get Some Actual Sleep
Your phone is a tool. But when used as a constant distraction, it quickly becomes a source of stress, overstimulation, and lost time.
Here’s the sciencey bit: Your brain processes information during sleep. Every sensory input, emotional interaction, and mental task from the day needs sorting - and that only happens during rest. When you stay up scrolling, your brain doesn’t get that chance to decompress.
The result? You wake up groggy, mentally overloaded, and already behind.
So mama, please:
Answer the messages and pay the bills - then put the phone down.
Go to bed. Let your brain reset.
Give yourself the actual rest you need - not just mindless distractions.
When you treat sleep like the self-care it is, everything else - your energy, your mood, your patience - starts to shift. This same idea applies for 'rest' during the day. Do you sit down and scroll, if you have a few minutes during the day? Or do you check in with yourself, take a big breath, take in your environment and do something truly relaxing like step outside, drink some water or simply kick back and spend a moment with your thoughts? While scrolling might feel like an escape in that moment - it will leave you feeling more exhausted and overwhelemed since you just bombarded your brain with more stimulation and short and inforamtion dense content. The take away: Make sure rest is restful!
6.Do One Thing That Makes You Feel Like You
What made you happy before kids? A dance class? A coffee shop solo trip? A 20-minute walk with your favorite playlist? Or meeting the girls for that glas of wine?
Do that. Make sure it work for your current schedule. The goal here is to feel better, not to add more stress.
And if you feel guilty for taking time for yourself, remember this:
Your kids learn how to take care of themselves by watching how you care for yourself.
Show them that you’re more than just the snack-maker, laundry-folder, and boo-boo-kisser. Show them what joy looks like. What balance looks like. What it means to love yourself.
7.Express Yourself — Just for You
Some days, self-care looks like a shower you didn’t have to rush through. Other days, it might be slipping on a clean pair of jeans instead of the leggings you slept in - or adding a swipe of mascara, a spritz of perfume, or putting on that bracelet you love but rarely wear.
This isn’t about spending money or looking a certain way - it’s about taking a moment to ask: How do I want to feel today? How do I want to show up for myself? And putting some conscious effort into YOU! Showing up for yourself and spending some time and effort with yourself.
Those tiny rituals — washing your face, brushing your hair, putting on something that feels like you — they matter. They’re a quiet act of self-respect. And over time, they help you feel less like you’re surviving the day… and more like you’re living it.
I had to learn this over the span of three kids - I used to get up and pop right into mama mode. Made breakfast, cuddle & play while rocking my PJ's and a messy bun. Somehow I would than try to get ready in small moments on the side. After some time I realized that I would feel stressed, not very put together as a result and even a little resentful with my kids. (Which was 100% on me!) So, I had to pivot! I started by laying my things out (just like I do for my kids), got up a few minutes before my kids would wake up and started by focusing on getting myself ready for the day FIRST. And I am not talking a crazy morning glow up - nope, just 15 minute uninterrupted time to sort my thoughts, wash up, put on actual clothes, do somehting with my hair and add some make-up. That shift helped me to feel like myself, ready for the day and way more resistant to stress and hick ups during the morning and into the day.
Final Thoughts:
Motherhood will always ask a lot from us. But that doesn’t mean we have to lose ourselves to it.
So here’s to you, mama. You’re doing amazing - even if it doesn’t always feel that way. You’re not alone. You’re not behind. You’re just in it.
Let’s keep sharing. What’s one thing that’s been hardest for you lately in motherhood? Drop it in the comments. You never know who else needs to hear they’re not the only one.
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